Wednesday, February 25, 2009

and after the love has gone...

there's still so much more left.
but maybe right now is just not the right time...
for you.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

i loved the way you smiled today ...

it's suits you baby...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

ok. now that you got that over and done with...

how about a few pointers for yourself today.

  • your world does not revolve around him.
  • don't be such an emo --- baby.
  • don't worry too much... you and her will get your drift back.and while you're at it try to make some effort will you. she misses you a lot.

  • be nicer to the people in the house...
    you're becoming the worst housemate/daughter/sister EVER.

    and you have no excuse - you are way past puberty
    to pull off some erratic shit like that.

  • just remember to breathe.

  • and don't scoff your food down so much ok
    - just in case you get something dislodged in your throat,
    by the rate you're going noone around you would want to take that thing out.

  • sleep right tonight.
  • wake up early tomorrow
  • and make sure you seize the day.

i cannot sleep.

and this is because well...

well frankly this is not for you. this is for him. and this will be the truth.

here is me being honest with you.


the truth is that.I like you.
and no it isn't because of them or what they say or what they suggest.
it is because of you. the way you are. and the way I am when I'm with you.
the way i find myself looking forward to waking up early the next day
so that I can spend every moment I have on that day being with you.
riding with you. laughing with you. talking with you.
singing with you. everything with you.

because you may not know it...
but the safest place I feel I'm at is when I'm standing or sitting or
doing whatever it is we do
is right there... right next to you.
I feel so trapped within myself that I cannot just run to you with arms
wide open and end it with an embrace --

no, not a hug...
an embrace that I'm wishing would last forever.
I like you.
I know I don't even show it. but it's difficult for me to show it.
It's easier for me to deny my feelings and pretend you are just a friend to me.
I'm afraid to show it... not because of what they would think
but more what you would think if I did.

I'm scared to find out the real answer from you.
I'm scared that when I do you could potentially inflict on me
a tremendous amount of pain...
because I'm telling you now- you could.
And I am not ready for that. not yet. you have to know that
I am more vulnerable to you that I let on.

It's unfair to you I know... since you put in a lot of conscious
effort into letting me know how much you care.

you despite of myself treat me so well that I feel that I don't deserve it.
but you may think otherwise.

why did you decide to change your mind now?
you do not deserve someone like me right now---
i'm in pieces and I cannot let you put me back together.
I owe that task to myself.
and that's not fair on you at all.

you deserve someone who has got herself together - me 4 months ago.
but things have changed and I am no longer that girl.
so now that you know...

would you wait for me to come back?

stop doing that...

yeah you know what I'm talking about...

that thing that you do when you shut off everyone that is
important to you because of some crazy 'theory' you concocted in
your head that everyone you have in your life will abandon you at some point.

It's incredibly annoying.

and you know how you hate those people who are " hot and cold"
- yeah? well say hello to that exact same person you are slowly becoming.
stop being so freaking inconsistent.
you are so caught up in yourself that you do not realise that
you are hurting the people around you.

your moodswings are too freaking EPIC.

Friday, February 20, 2009

and for the record...

he would like it better if you weren't falling apart...
dont give him much more to worry about.


I think its time to get yourself

All this self-pity that you're showering yourself does not do you any favours... if ever they just drag you down even more so. and did i mention its tiring...

you should clear your head. take a walk. feel the sun upon your skin. and watch your sunsets again.
nothing much can be done right now.
so seriously.


get off your ass. clean up. fix yourself. take pride.

be beautiful.
be happy.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Its time for honesty...

you know - telling yourself the truth. you need a big dose of that. let's start today shall we?

you love him? or do you just love the idea of him? ... or are these questions just a product of your fantastic self-jeopardizing abilities because you don't think you deserve to be happy ? ...
have a think about it.

stop it. don't fight it.

why do you act like you've got yourself together and pretend like you don't care..
when at first sight of his face and upon hearing his voice
your knees start buckling...have your silent smile shine on your face
have you feel your heart slowly implode...?

just a note:

it's ok to let people in you know.
especially to the one you have already chosen to give your heart to.